#347: Seeking Forgiveness from the Dead

HaRav Yosef Ovadia on Shulḥan Arukh, OH 606:2

A Jewish cemetery in Elburg-Oostwal, the Netherlands. Photo credit: Txllxt TxllxT, CCA-SA 4.0

Gimme Some Torah #347

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Shulḥan Arukh, OH 606:2

אם מת אשר חטא לו מביא עשרה בני אדם ומעמידם על קברו ואומר חטאתי לאלהי ישראל ולפלוני זה שחטאתי לו (ונהגו לבקש מחילה בערב יו"כ) (מרדכי דיומא):

If a man against whom he sinned died, (the man who sinned) brings ten people and let them stand on his (the dead man’s) grave and he (the sinner) says, “I have sinned against the God of Israel, and against this “person” who I sinned against him,” (and it was customary to seek forgiveness on the Eve of Yom Kippur)

Although תְּשׁוּבָה (teshuvah, repentance) can be a difficult thing to do in the emotional sense, it’s pretty easy in the practical sense. One simply approaches the offended party and asks for forgiveness. One who wishes to repent can do so face-to-face, in writing, or through any technological means.

The practical ease of forgiveness is complicated by only one factor: the pulse of the offended party. If the person one has harmed is dead, there is a different procedure to follow. The late Rabbi Ovadia Yosef (ז׳׳ל), former Sephardic Chief Rabbi of Israel, explained how to seek forgiveness from the dead:

In the Talmud (B. Yoma 87a), Rabbi Yose bar Ḥanina said, ‘One who seeks forgiveness from a dead person should gather ten adult Jews and they should stand at the grave of the deceased. He should say, “I have committed a sin against my God, Israel, and (name of the offended).”

It is furthermore explained that one who sinned against a person who has died is required to go with ten adult Jews to the grave of that person, and there it is proper that he describe in a general sense the sin that he committed. . .

And the Mishnah Berurah says that one who seeks forgiveness from a dead person should stand there (in the cemetery) barefoot as he does so. And the Aḥaronim wrote that the people who have gathered there at the grave should answer the request by saying, “You are forgiven” three times.

I find it interesting that our tradition has developed a ritual for apologizing to the dead. But here’s a question that I think is even more interesting: “Why does this ritual work, or at least why do we think it works?”

Here’s why I think the ritual works: Jews are not just a religious group, we’re not just an ethnicity, we’re not just a tribe, and we’re not just a people, a nation, or even a civilization. We are a continuum. We believe that the Jews who stood at Mt. Sinai were there with all the souls of the Jews who were yet to be born or convert. This belief is based on an interpretation of Deut. 29:14 in the Talmud (B. Shevuot 39a).

That is why a quorum of ten Jews has the authority to offer forgiveness on behalf of the dead person—the entire continuum of the Jewish people was there at Mt. Sinai, so the ritual opens the metaphorical gates that separate our dead from the present and all future generations.

As the Talmud (B. Shevuot 39a) says, “All Jews are responsible for one another.” This applies not only to our generation, but to all generations.

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Rabbi Eli Garfinkel is the spiritual leader of Temple Beth El in Somerset, New Jersey. He is the author of The JPS Jewish Heritage Torah Commentary.